so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
