So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Randomize
