He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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