we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
