think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize