took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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