He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
