eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
