Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
