I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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