for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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