Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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