Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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