wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
