i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
