Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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