so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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