she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
