WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
