There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
