That reminds me...we need to get swords
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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