I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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