Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
