He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I have aggressive nipples.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
