it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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