It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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