everyone is single if you try hard enough
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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