youre lurking in front of me
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I'm always down for nudity.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
