He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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