So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Houston, we have a squirter
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
