Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
