I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
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Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
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In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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