We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
