I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
