we'll go far in life on tits alone.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
