dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
