...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
