Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
