I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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