I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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