Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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