Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
