So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
