I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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