this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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