how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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