tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
