is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
