id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize