I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
