I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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