I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
