my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
