david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize