So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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