dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he was CRYING into my vagina
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
