do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
