You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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