Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
