I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
