she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
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i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
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I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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