I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm too high and old for this...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
