Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
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