my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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