Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
