if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
