Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
