i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
