i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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